Manna In The Wilderness II

I, me, and myself no more

2011-09-29T23:24:00.006+13:00

People are often too unhappy and dissatisfied because of their own selfish nature. For them it is always about I, me, and myself.

If only people can stop asking questions like, "Why I do not have this?" "Why can't I be like him/her?" "Why am I so poor?" "Why I...this that?" "Why me...?", and have a change of heart and mind, and know that God's grace is always sufficient for us! What awesome JOY will we experience as God's children to know that in all things, good and bad, easy and difficult, He is always looking out for us, working for our good! Oh friends, it is never about us anyway but always about Him!

The JOY of the LORD is my strength, how true is that when we turn our eyes upon Jesus, away from ourselves and our circumstances, and be assured that God is in control of all things!

Live life full of His JOY! There is nothing in this earthly world that can come near to offer you this JOY!

=D

Calvin

Big difference!

2011-09-27T13:10:00.003+13:00

There is a big difference between what is a sin and what is wrong.

Don't ever, ever judge other people. It is NOT your right, and you do not have the ability nor the authority to do so.

Calvin

Don't be fooled!

2011-09-15T23:17:00.001+12:00

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy" John 10:10.

Sigh. Some people really need to open their eyes to see how much the thief is stealing from them at this very moment.

Open your own eyes instead of trying to open others'. You have already lost SO much, stop letting yourself being robbed unnecessarily!

Calvin

Trapped

2011-05-20T19:28:00.000+12:00

One thing became another and another and God knows what this has now become.

There is no where to hide. Everyone and everything is a spy.

Whatever I do and say, will be observed and brought to reason.

What have I done to receive such responsibility? I am not responsible for such things and never I should ever be.

It is as though I have lost my freedom to be and to feel.

Trapped.

Only time will reveal my escape.

Calvin

Birthday wishes

2011-05-17T01:42:00.001+12:00

It was my 23rd birthday yesterday (15/05/2011), and I was somehow given a privilege to make three wishes. The first one on Friday night, the second on Saturday night, and the third one on Sunday, the birthday night itself.

Despite the rumour that I used up all three wishes for 1) Big bulky biceps, 2) Muscular chest and 3) juicy six-pack abs, which is not entirely true (or false - you can argue either way...), the truth is I couldn't think of anything to wish for. I already have so much that many don't, and somehow and somewhere in my being, asking for more doesn't do my conscience any good. But still, the Bible says, 'ask and you shall receive', or 'you do not have, because you do not ask', or the verse about asking, seeking and knocking, and many more. Thus, what went through my mind and heart in the end during those wishing moments, is in one point of view a very selfish wish, but in another perspective, the best thing I could ever wish for.

"All I desire is You, LORD". Because "there is no higher calling, no greater honour than to bow and kneel before Your throne"

The prayer of Jabez: "Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil" 2 Chronicles 4:9-10.

The selfish part is thinking in this manner: With God, my cup will always be full and overflowing. His Joy is my strength through thick and thin. His everlasting love inspires me to go the distance. I can rest assure that my whole future is in His hands. I do not need to worry at all about money and wealth, because God's grace is more than enough for me. etc.

The 'best thing I could ever wish for part' is simply knowing with conviction and humility that without God I am nothing. Take God away from all the above, and you will see that without God I am really nothing.

This song by Richard Gomez goes:

"O Lord, my God,

All I desire is You.

More precious than silver,

more costly than gold.

No riches of the earth compares to You.

What can this world offer when all I desire is You?"

You see friends, when God blesses, he blesses you with the best. And by 'best' I mean literally the BEST. People usually do not understand and know what actually is the BEST for their lifes, but God does, and believe me you will not be dissapointed! =D

CALVIN

Dynamic Control

2011-05-12T02:29:00.002+12:00

There has been quite a lot of stuff going on in my life, but trying to blog about something from the huge pile of stuff is quite hard to do, somehow.

I need more dynamic control.

Calvin

Feeling a 'feeling'

2011-04-03T02:26:00.002+13:00

The feeling is like the feeling you get after watching a movie that leaves you somewhat sad, knowing that you are so much (or so much of wanting to be) like one of the characters, that you long to be part of the story, and that you want the story to be your reality.

It is a lot about running away from the ordinaries of this world, and seeking something really extraordinary that distinguishes you from the ordinary.

There must be more than this.

Calvin

Kia Kaha!

2011-03-19T10:17:00.002+13:00

On the 22nd of February, a day after my previous post, an Earthquake, or aftershock to be more exact, of magnitude 6.3 struck at the Port of Lyttleton, Christchurch.

Iconic buildings fell, homes devastated, and lives lost. The Garden City of New Zealand now lies in ruins. Given its scale and the amount reclaimed, not one person in the whole of Christchurch is not one way or another affected by the earthquake.

Yesterday, we mourned together as a city and a nation, of the devastation and lost each and everyone of us experienced. We prayed, repented and asked for forgiveness from our sins as a city. We also upheld Japan in our thoughts and prayers, sharing in our hearts the same experience of losing something or someone we hold dear.

Therefore, it is now time to move on. I am grateful, as many are, to be part of this community and its strong Cantabrian spirit, where 'the worst brought out the best in people'.

Kia Kaha! Christchurch!

CALVIN

Growing up

2011-02-21T23:50:00.003+13:00

It is my final year at University of Canterbury, for my Bachelors Degree.

I miss those who have left Christchurch so much, and I find it harder than usual to live here without them around. A big part of my life is missing.

When I left Malaysia, I was sad to leave my family. But when I arrived at Christchurch, I am happy again to meet my family. =)

But people come and go in these situations. We all need to grow up, continue to grow up, and continue to grow up. There is no ending to growing up.

CALVIN

Offering - Paul Baloche

2011-02-12T14:28:00.003+13:00

Absolutely amazed by this song. God ministers to me through it every time.

The first line itself is so profound:

"The sun cannot compare to the Glory of Your Love, there is no shadow in Your Presence"

Physically, sun rays can be blocked by objects and there will be shadows here and there where the rays are absent. But spiritually, God's presence forms no shadows. His Love is for everyone and it is so great that His presence penetrates through even the hardest of hearts when we allow God to minister to us.

CALVIN

Letting Go and Giving In

2011-02-09T23:35:00.005+13:00

Parents:

Of course. Its hard.

But when the time comes, you have to let your children go.

Holding them down will only fog up your relationship with them. You love them, that is for sure, but the fog will fog your love, your children will not see it.

Show your love by giving them a shot at life. Give them a shot.

Children:

Your parents love you tremendously, its in their nature/blood to do so. You are more important to them than anything in the world. Pound this in your heart and remember this in your mind.

So, be matured and responsible. Follow the Lord closely. Remain in Him. Read your Bible. Go to church. Work/Study hard. Call your parents regularly. Tell them everything. DO NOT LIE TO THEM. Be financially stable, have monthly savings. Build strong friendships that will in turn build you up. DO NOT BREAK THE LAW. Be sensible. Be SAFE.

CALVIN

Gap

2011-01-29T03:49:00.005+13:00

Its hard to explain. It feels like I have an unfinished business in my past. There is a wide gap in my childhood that remains unfilled, and it hurts badly, until today.

I long to go back and make things right. Like a time traveler, I hope for a second chance. I could only imagine what things would be like today if the gap was filled. But as someone said, and I find it very true, that we will never know what things would be like if we had done something differently. If the gap was filled, I would never know today that the gap was actually filled, that something so precious was already given to me. Only when you do not have it, or when it is taken from you, you know that it exists, and only then you know how important it is.

All I need to do is to snap back to the present and things will seem alright.

Yes yes, let go of the past. I did. So, don't worry =). Lets move forward.

CALVIN

2011-01-20T22:18:00.002+13:00

Might take a while...

2010-11-06T23:12:00.002+13:00

Kulat

2010-09-17T01:09:00.002+12:00

Okay. I open my blog almost everyday out of habit, and I'm starting to see random patches of "kulat" forming.

I don't blog much this year, maybe it is because I'm always "busy" with University work (Uh-huh). After giving some thought, I believe the most probable reason why I seldom blog these days is because Facebook is starting to take over.

So yeah, looks like the "kulat" will take over for now...

Hmm...

Yeah.

CALVIN

P.S.. I survived the 7.1 earthquake in Christchurch, although the aftershocks are still randomly popping up.

Running away

2010-08-13T23:04:00.002+12:00

Dealing with stress is one thing.

Dealing with demotivation is a totally different and seperate struggle.

I feel like running away.

But where?...

"Lord I will run to You, to Your words of truth"

"Into Your hands, I commit again all I am to You O Lord"

Calvin

I Worship You Almighty God

2010-07-26T20:49:00.003+12:00

I can't think of any other song that will just break my heart everytime I listen to, sing or play it.

I Worship You Almighty God: Don Moen

I worship You

Almighty God

There is none like You

I worship You

O Prince of Peace

That is what I long to do

I give You praise

for You are my righteousness

I worship You

Almighty God

There is none like You

Calvin

Glimpse of His Glory

2010-06-13T22:19:00.005+12:00

Yesterday, Mook Tzeng and I went for a day-tramp to Mt Herbert/Te Ahu Patiki, the highest point of Banks Peninsula (919m). The last time I had a decent tramp was a long time ago in February at Abel Tasman. I really missed being in the wilderness, plus a touch of nature in my hectic, and currently boring study life would no doubt breathe some fresh air as I prepare for the upcoming exams. And my mom, a wonderful gardener herself always say that being one with nature offers a great deal because we are interacting with God's living creation. I second, and definitely prefer that over the engineering books and computers. (Pictures taken by Mook Tzeng)

Certain parts of the tramp was quite strenous especially during the height gain sections, but one look back at what was behind me made the pain go away almost instantly. The Port Hills, Canterbury Plains, and a glimpse of the Southern Alps. At that moment God said to me, "Your present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in you" Romans 8:18. A glimpse of the reward of the tramp encouraged me to the summit, what more will God, who loves us so abundantly, and who is the Glory that will be revealed in us, encourage us not to give up in our circumtances? Don't give up because He is certainly worth fighting for.

The summit. Man, I love NZ!

CALVIN

22nd in The Promised Land

2010-06-11T01:00:00.003+12:00

Should have posted this ages ago....but still, yeah...

22nd in The Promised Land

Thanks for the lovely gifts and the surprise party! =p

CALVIN

God be the solution

2010-05-10T22:58:00.005+12:00

Lord

You are the solution.

to anger and hatred

to jealously and pride

to depression and broken hearts

to divorces and separations

to immorality and adultery

to poverty and suffering

to corruption and political scandals

to conflicts and disunity

to racism and terrorism

to financial crisis

to religious disputes and self-righteousness

to divisions and disagreements

to sickness and death

to ... ... ...

"Is anything too hard for the LORD?" Genesis 18:14

"God be the solution. We will run with the solution"

CALVIN

Neither here nor there

2010-04-23T01:41:00.002+12:00

I'm neither here nor there.

Man this is hard.

Sigh.

CALVIN

Inconvenience

2010-04-01T01:56:00.003+13:00

"Be obedient to my commandments"

What commandment?

"Love God. Love People."

What kind of love?

"Love with all your heart, your mind and your soul"

That is so hard to do. Its impossible to do that.

"You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. All things are possible with God"

But I would need so much help on this.

"My grace is sufficient for you"

But I am afraid.

"Have I not commanded you? Be bold and courageous"

It is not about convenience, but being obedient.

Yes LORD, I NEED to be in-convenienced!!

CALVIN

Starting 3rd Year

2010-03-06T23:07:00.003+13:00

So yeah, I'm done with at least 331 hours of chocolate making. What needs to be done right now is the Practical Work Report. Its coming, its coming...

Everyone is back from everywhere, which is great! But Christchurch is getting noisy. Sometimes I really miss Christchurch being quieter, where the Central Library was actually a Library, if you get what I mean. There were times I walked through the University during summer and I loved it being so quiet and peaceful. Instead of seeing people everywhere, I saw the trees and birds, the river and the wind, and I smelt the taste of air. I guess being in the position where everyone is absent made me see the things that were absent from my mind.

Summer 2009/2010 was awesome. No regrets for staying back. I especially loved Abel Tasman with its majestically beautiful beaches. There will be more tramps and camps to come! Love NZ for its beauty! =D

Yeah, looks like I'm in my 2nd Professional Year Chemical and Process Engineering. A miracle, for a guy who dislikes engineering. Joshua 1:9, 'Be strong and Courageous'.

New people, new faces! Great to have them here with us in Christchurch.

CALVIN

Run for freedom

2010-01-29T21:53:00.005+13:00

Lord

I am running back

against the wind and storm

I strive forward

because I hunger for you

and my soul cannot

breathe without you

I run

for you, my freedom

because the joy

of the Lord

breaks all bondage

and tears up all chains

Blessed are those

who call upon your name

O Lord

for they will be saved

and blessed are those

who dwell in your house

for they are forever

praising you

Amen!

Calvin

Come on come on come on come on...

2010-01-22T01:38:00.001+13:00

Seriously...please HURRY UP!!

>_<"

CALVIN

Countdown

2009-12-13T23:54:00.002+13:00

Uhm, No... It is not the supermarket I'm talking about.

It is THIS!

If you don't know what that is, it means that it has been a while since I shared something about ME life in ME bloggie.

That is a countdown of the number of days left I need to complete for my 1st Engineering Practical Work experience, at least 40 days. 120 days in total (960 hours) is overly ambitious, given that it is already difficult when the work experience is entirely the students' responsibility. If not for the current economic crisis they would not have even considered of reducing it to 100 days.

Many people discouraged me when I told them that I'm working for free with the Chocolate factory, which is the only suitable company that gave a favourable response, saying that I will quickly lose motivation after a while. Well, the truth is I struggled like mad trying to find a job in Christchurch, and when I got this one I am overjoyed, so I accepted it. There were still some others who pointed out the option of going home to work. I have prayed and thought so much about it for the past two weeks when I was dying of home-sickness, aggravated when majority of the people who formed what Christchurch really means to me left for home. My parents even found a job for me back home during the last minute. But I chose to stay. I don't know why I just have the strong desire to stay put in Christchurch for this summer, right from the start of the year. Well, I prayed for God's will and I have taken the first step. The rudder was in God's hand all along (it still is), and it seems like He steered me to stay. =D

40 days is seriously not an easy task in this Chocolate factory. 3.30pm to 1.00am Monday to Thursday, thank God when Friday comes because the hours are only from 11.00am to 4.00pm. Freaking tiring, but I am grateful nonetheless, for friendly people there, and good supervisors who don't shut me up when I ask too many questions. Not to forget also that I am constantly learning new things at the factory, and seriously gaining skills I never would imagine myself getting!

Today I watched the full Handel's Messiah performed by the Cathedral of the Blessed Sacrament. A week ago I watched the Christchurch City Choir performed a few excerpts of the Messiah. What a treat! Where would I find these in Malaysia? Concerts of high standards are just about everywhere! Cheap price too!

EveryNation Church here has been, is still, and will always be awesome. It is so encouraging to be amongst real people with such big hearts for God and others. =D Christmas is just around the corner... And man, Church is gonna be awesome...

Loving it here in Christchurch! PRESS ON, those red lines will soon dominate the whole paper!

Oh yeah, did I mention that I got my bike back? The police found it... It was about 4 months ago... OopS!

CALVIN

Hi...

2009-12-10T00:00:00.003+13:00

I'm Busy. Sorry for my absence... =D

CALVIN

Gold turned Stone

2009-11-16T19:08:00.004+13:00

As I was walking on the bed of rocks on the way back from the 2-D 1-N tramp at Hawdon area, I thought to myself, I would love to keep one stone out the massive pile as a rememberance of this overnight tramp, since it is my first one in New Zealand anyway.

But suddenly it dawned upon me that there are stones everywhere, and stones are just too common. Because they are everywhere, somehow they are always overlooked by men, and certainly they do not have high valued price tags attached to them compared to gemstones like emeralds, amethyst, shappires or pearls, or things made of gold and silver.

Growing up as a kid, I have always imagined Heaven to be filled with gold, whereby every tiny detail is made of it, the pavements, the buildings, the rocks on the river bed; so much gold that everywhere around you just dazzles beautifully (Of course, this imagination is inspired by the description of the New Jerusalem in the Book of Revelations). As I was pondering about the massive pile of stones where the waters of Hawdon river flow through and about, I realised that gold itself in heaven is like that stone pile I was walking on. Gold is found everywhere. Amazingly, gold, a wonderful treasure on earth, has become a common stone in Heaven, lack of value, significance, meaning and importance.

The things of earth surely fades in comparison to the things of God. What then is the treasure in Heaven?

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will go strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace"

"Lord you are more precious than silver. Lord you are more costly than gold. Lord you are more beautiful than diamonds, and nothing I desire compares with you"

CALVIN

Hearts and Passion

2009-10-28T22:51:00.004+13:00

Psalm 63 : 1 - 8

O God

You are my God

and I long for you

My whole being desires you

like a dry, worn-out, and waterless land

My soul is thirsty for you

Let me see you in the sanctuary

Let me see how mighty and glorious you are

Your constant love is better than life itself

and so I will praise you

I will give you thanks as long as I live

I will raise my hands to you in prayer

My soul will feast and be satisfied

and I will sing glad songs of praise to you

As I lie in bed

I remember you

all night long I think of you

because you have always been my help

In the shadow of your wings I sing for joy

I cling to you

and your hand keeps me safe

Calvin

Short but heartfelt

2009-10-11T02:55:00.003+13:00

Lord

I stand

in awe of your glory

your praises abound in me

for you are my strength

and you are my portion

my redeemer

Lord

I stand

in awe of your glory

all I am is yours

Lord I love you

Jesus

your praises abound in me

Calvin

Imagination

2009-09-27T01:14:00.003+12:00

//Nature has music of its own//

Calvin

Blindness

2009-09-13T22:32:00.005+12:00

I shall wait for you no more

because you have always been around me

I never knew how long you have been calling my name

because my mind hid your face away from all sight

I blinded myself from you

but you took my hand and walk the curb with me

I heard you said you name was not your name

and I believed your untrue lies

I toyed with my own emotions

yet I put the blame on you and your hidden presence

I dwelt in my own curse, not yours

because your curse is my curse to myself

I have wronged you

my friend

please forgive me

and I shall wait for you no more

because you are already here

Calvin

Do you mean it?

2009-09-06T22:24:00.004+12:00

Sometimes I think that I am doing alright in everything. I'm not too bad, I'm doing quite good in my life.

But seriously, it is not okay at all. There are so many things I need to work on, so many attitudes and actions I need to watch out for. The words and promises I say and make, do I actually mean and keep them? My commitments and responsibilities, do I actually perform them whole heartedly? Sometimes I take for granted things that are so readily available to me, never actually am grateful although at the back of my mind I know I should. Outside I speak life, but do I have it inside? Outside I speak truth, but do I believe it inside? Outside I sing worship and praises, I express love and faithfulness, but do I actually live what I sing?

Don't be deceived my friends, because I am as imperfect as any of you.

How much I am convicted because God does not look for perfection, rather He looks for progress towards perfection. To be like God, but not God. He looks for hearts that thirst for Him, souls that are passionate and desperate for His presence.

CALVIN

Expression

2009-08-17T21:52:00.004+12:00

Disciple me

O Lord

teach me your ways

search my heart thoroughly

and know my thoughts

for my heart yearns for you

and my soul longs

for your presence

like the desert I thirst

for living waters overflowing

because you inspire

and encourage me

in all my circumtances

who ever compares to you

O Lord

for you are righteous and holy

mighty and strong in battle

my life

my trust and hope

is always in you

O Lord

for none but you is truth

and truth

always sets me free

Calvin

Have a break...

2009-08-09T01:59:00.004+12:00

...have a tramp, an expensive lunch, and a movie(s) night.

Yeah, I used this Saturday to the fullest just to get away from Uni. The past week had been incredibly tiring, and weird, not to say the least. Probably I exaggerated my work load a little too far by staying back at Uni until late in the morning, but the main reason is just that I prefer to do my work/study at Uni rather than in my room, although I may not have much work/study to do. I don't know, maybe studying at Uni is somehow like an adventure, from Central Library to Erksine, to Loft and Glade. Oh well, at least there were some people as crazy as myself to accompany me in these adventures =D. It was also quite amusing to see people burning their lamps in the battle against time, and it was certainly fun and comforting to know that we are going through the same struggles, studies wise.

Kim, Dominic and myself walked the Barnett Walkway this morning and it was really fantastic because of the great weather. If I ever live in Sumner, I guess I would make that walk a daily thing to do. Then we had an expensive but relaxing lunch at Poseidon outdoors overlooking the ocean with the Sun. Finally, watching Sister Act I and II again at Dom's place really made my day, although I've already 're-watched' them about a week ago. Reminds me of how much I love and miss singing in the Choir =p.

Yeah, simple but it is what I call 'doing something that you like'.

Aside from these, I am really excited for Christchurch, and the great things that God is going to do here.

Yikes, I hope I can get up early for band practice tomorrow before church.

CALVIN

Same old thing

2009-07-17T19:24:00.004+12:00

Winter break has past and here I am back to the start again. But Queenstown was spectacular, awesomely beautiful.

My results for Semester One was awesome, can't ask for more, because many people didn't fare as well as I think they deserve. However for someone who hates Engineering at times, God has been so faithful to me, and all I can say is that things happen for a reason, but God is always in control. Do hang in there people. =)

I was talking with a friend before a lecture started today, we agreed on the fact that most of us have just burned up everything we could possible give for Semester One, and now Semester Two seems so far away from our sense of motivation. Two weeks seemed just like two days, and a few of us have not really refilled our tanks. Here we are with the same old thing again. My my, Canterbury is hard.

On a joyful note, ENLI year two began for me. I am so joyful to be part of a group who hungers so much for God's word, learning and growing in Him on a daily basis. Ironically, being sort of an academic course, it is one of the very few things that keeps me sane while being in the engineering world. Aside from ENLI, there are many other commitments which I am involved in. Honestly I feel so thin, being like 'butter spread over too much bread'. I should have got myself involved in things that my heart really beats for, not because of other reasons. At least I know this now and next year will be an even greater highlight for me.

This semester is another big challenge for me, but as God led me through the first half, with awesome outcomes, surely He will bring me through again, with even more juicier fruits!

Dinner time!

CALVIN

Jesus you reign - a song

2009-07-02T02:33:00.003+12:00

Who can compare to you?

Your love, your grace that made me new

There is none like you

In all my doubts and fears

I know in your arms, I am secure

Lord, you are my shield

There is no greater honour than to worship at your throne

Now I glorify, I magnify your name

Jesus you reign

Jesus you reign

With all that I have

With all I am

I worship you, Lord

Jesus you reign

Jesus you reign forevermore

I'll sing forever Lord

Jesus you reign

CALVIN

Oh my octopus!

2009-06-29T03:13:00.002+12:00

Win.

I guess the funnier thing is to watch people cracking up after reading it.

CALVIN

Update for the sake of updating

2009-06-15T21:27:00.004+12:00

Phew. It has been a while since I last updated this up-to-date blog. (==")

Alright! So what would it be this time?

Hmm...lets see...

I guess I should just use simple point form format to summarize any interesting (to me) experiences I had when I was at Genovia.

.......

Then again, maybe not.

So far, and currently (and please please, not for long, please) things have been really focused on uni studies, studies and just more studies. Can't help feeling proud of myself that I have successfully overcomed 1/4 of semester one, given that literally 3/4 of it will come crashing to me in the next two weeks, in fact its starting tomorrow! Lol. Furthermore, I have five papers to sit for this semester (one of which was completed last Tuesday), instead of the normal 4. I know I shouldn't brag about my busy-ness simply because i'm not alone in this and everyone is exhausting smoke from their heads. Oh well, probably that is why it has been so foggy the past few days. [Laugh like a poor stand up comedian]

I don't know about the others, but I realised that term two really flew past so quickly due to the huge workload we had. "Time flies when you are having 'fun' ". What a dull semester I have to say, aside from some interesting events we had from time to time, like the CMSA hike, Miss Saigon, Sledging etc.. But seriously, most days, all I was looking forward to was the end of each horrible chemistry and fluid lab I had to complete and a reasonably good night sleep after an exhausting fluid, mass-balance and chemically retarded day. Oh well, deep down i'm grateful because to be honest, studying is really a privilege not many people can have, and engineering actually does teach you a heck lot of other stuff and skills many courses don't offer!

To make things even retarded...Someone actually STOLE my bike! The one thing I thought would never happen, at least in Christchurch, where there are millions (ok, a bit too exaggerated but you get the idea) of bicycles around, actually happened to me! I did what anyone could possibly do - use a fairly good sturdy lock - but the thief had to ease his itchy fingers and cut the lock. I was at the police station the other day to collect my event number for insurance claim, and the community volunteer, who is from Malaysia apparenty, said in his 1/2 NZ 1/2 Malaysian slang, "Actually NZ is not so safe you know, things like these happen all the time". Oh well, after being really dissapointed with NZ and the thief for that short period of time, I got over it, and hope that NZI would do something favourable for me. I loved my bicycle, since the brand is quite unique, and not to mention I had many awesome 'bonding-time' (Khoo, 2009) with my bicycle. Oh well...maybe soon I'll get a NEW bike...hyeh...hyeh..hyeh...!

This feels so weird, blogging in the eve of exams.

Anyway, despite the depressing uni stuff we all have to go through, I really am glad to have great people around me to experience NZ together. Church for instance, ENLI, Re-fuel, music practices and ICF. I realised that I've grown to adore Christchurch so much, for its beauty and also the people here. There are so many things I want to do in NZ, one of them of course is to conquer the great majestic Southern Alps. *drool*. NZ is seriously beautiful people, I mean it! =D

Looks like its getting late, want to sleep early for tomorrow! Just a random update!

Nitez people!

CALVIN

A long list

2009-05-26T02:20:00.007+12:00

One afternoon, my brain suddenly thought of doing this...

Lord you are...

so good, with us, for us, in us, forever faithful, merciful, abounding in love, gracious, righteous, holy, powerful, omnipotent, ominpresent, victorious, magnificent, wonderful, glorious, blessed, the way, truth, life, vine, bread of life, light of the world, lamp unto my feet, light unto my path, messiah, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, my all in all, beautiful saviour, song, joy, shield, strength, portion, deliverer, stronghold and tower, rock, fortress, redeemer, encourager, conquerer, protector, defender, sword, armour, potter, comforter, friend, sheppard, hope, assurance, abba father, provider, banner, healer, sanctification, peace, guide, leader, teacher, master, Lord, GOD...

the list goes on and on!

CALVIN

Birthday Wish

2009-05-16T20:58:00.006+12:00

Yesterday night, a group of us celebrated my 21st birthday at a Chinese restaurant.

At the table in front of the 21 candles lit on the beautifully made chocolate cake, my friends asked me to make a birthday wish before blowing the candles out.

In excitement, I closed my eyes. However, I found myself totally blank when I suddenly remembered that I never actually made a wish before in my life. Few years back, I saw shooting stars when I was at Kampung, but instead of making a wish, I prayed a prayer.

So, for that short moment of time, I prayed for what I really wish for, and odd enough all I can think of is how much I long to be in His presence, and how much I would never want my life to be void of God, and of His glory.

There is just nothing greater in this world that can compare with Him, and there is nothing better to wish for than to have His everlasting love and faithfulness in your life.

"There is no higher calling, no greater honour, than to bow and kneel before your throne"

CALVIN

Crapz...

2009-05-15T00:09:00.002+12:00

I'm officially an adult...

bler...

CALVIN

Who am I?

2009-05-04T18:12:00.004+12:00

CALVIN

Beautiful Saviour

2009-04-24T23:14:00.005+12:00

O Lord

when I look into your holiness

I see grace

that lifted me up from my iniquities

You healed me

and made me walk again

none compares to you, O Lord

for you are close to me

when I am broken hearted

and you save me

when I am crushed in spirit

I run to you

because in your presence

I know

I am not judged but convicted

not persecuted but saved

there is no one like you, O Lord

for you touch my heart

the way that no one could

You are always

my beautiful saviour

now and forever

Calvin

Beautiful Accomplishment

2009-04-14T00:44:00.011+12:00

There couldn't be another day better than last Saturday for the Taylor's Mistake + Godley Head hike I planned for CMSA 2009. Superbly beautiful weather, plus the Sun was up, accompanied with gorgeous clouds and winds.

Being the leader/guide, I thought it was best for me to do the whole thing once before the actual hike, to estimate properly the timeline, and of course to plan the route that offers the best experience to each participant. Although I have been there twice before, I didn't finish the hike.

It was quite a frightening experience in the sense that I am somehow responsible of the safety of 19 people! The fact that the estimated timeline was not followed strictly, and that the sky was almost dark when we finally decended made me even more nervous. But somehow in the end it turned out to be a blessing in disguise because the night view of Sumner was so breathtaking.

Oh well, twice in one week, that is pretty good!

I am just so glad that everything was superb and that everyone enjoyed what this place had to offer.

Not many pictures of me were taken, one big disadvantage of being at the front of the line!

There is one superb one...=D

Congratulation everyone for an awesome hike! Beautiful accomplishment!

Pictures from Raymond Tien and Mun Yee.

CALVIN

Graduation

2009-04-10T13:15:00.002+12:00

Congratulations Ray! You deserve it man.

All the best in all you do. We will surely miss you lots.

Calvin is inspired again!

CALVIN

A challenge

2009-04-09T21:49:00.013+12:00

People are challenging.

Sometimes, it is such a challenge to be amongst people, knowing that you will never be able to fit in properly. It is like using a rusted key to open its lock, and the key will break anytime.

People are unpredictable and you never know exactly whether they are sincere. Some label you as friend only when things suit their needs. Some you believe are your friends but their mouths are filled with filth about you when you are not around.

At times I find it hard to call someone a friend if I don't trust that person with my life.

Maybe I expect too much out of people, imperfect people like you and me. Maybe that is why I still cannot have what I need (or what I think I need).

Sometimes, isn't it good to be alone when you are facing these situations? People can be most encouraging and loving at one end, but totally destructive at the other.

I guess 'trust' isn't a perfection you should find in people. Trust those who have proven themselves trustworthy to you, but ultimately trust God is all situations because when people might fail you, God never fails.

CALVIN

Easter Break 2009

2009-04-05T01:30:00.007+13:00

Finally! Break from Uni! But not too long, there are still loads of uni stuff to be done...lab reports, tests...

Anyway, lots of stuff happening during Easter Break!

Raymond is BACK! Great to see you again brother!
Every Nation Olympics 2009
Work as [professional =p] cleaner again at College House
University of Canterbury Graduation Ceremony 2009
Easter Service at Every Nation
Organizing a hike/tramp for CMSA at Taylor's Mistake + Godley Head
Gloria's little get away at Arthur's Pass
MISS SAIGON! OH YEAHHHhh! Isaac ROYAL theater! Dun play play oo...

Its gonna be a blast!

CALVIN

P.S.. Gosh, praise God I conquered 30 mins and 40 mins!

Do you know your name?

2009-03-27T21:49:00.005+13:00

I fight a dangerous war

It is one that claims my name

None else can fight this war but I

For there is no other

who grasps this sword that bears my name

Do you know your name

For without it

You have failed right before the war

Know your name and embrace it

For it is He who gave you that name

Calvin

Soon soon soon...

2009-03-22T18:44:00.002+13:00

will be the end of term 1. I'm so looking forward to it.

The last week of term 1 will be super free for me, sort of, aside from a Chemistry test.

I'm flying when thinking of easter break!!

CALVIN

Victory

2009-03-12T18:03:00.004+13:00

Lord

I come before you as myself

shadowed in my weaknesses

drowning in my mess

Your word says

when I am weak, I am made strong

for your power is made perfect

in my weaknesses

you are my strength, you are my rock

my fortress and my deliverer

it is where I find refuge

my shield and my horn of salvation

my God, my stronghold

I am more than a conquerer

for you have done it all on the cross

how awesome you are

O Lord

for your word sets me free

thus in all my circumtances

I know

my glory will be found in you

and in Christ alone

I will rise up in victory

CALVIN

False Alarm

2009-03-05T22:42:00.003+13:00

Win! This is my second time experiencing a "fire" at the Halls of Residence.

Last year, someone set the alarm off at RnR hall and if I remember correctly, 2 fire trucks came, and those involved in the false alarm were fined $150 each.

Just about 20 minutes ago, someone from the flat next to mine set the alarm off, and as predicted, 2 fire trucks came in just minutes. After much hustled conversations whether the alarm was false, aparently the alarm was indeed false, again, when one of the fireman gave us a short but geng lecture:

(Beginning part may not be in exact words)

"We are tired of this! (more gruntling...) We don't like wasting time coming all the way here to find someone breaking the glass for a false alarm. If this happens during winter, you will be standing outside here freezing yourselves off, but we will be warm because of our gear. Ilam does not belong to the students, it belongs to the bloody community! So treat it as such. Thank you!"

What an interesting night.

CALVIN

The Un-Merry-Go-Round

2009-03-02T20:00:00.006+13:00

Here we go again.

My timetable is already super pack with three 4 hour afternoon labs every week. Plus lots of other labs and workshops will be coming to whip me on my back on the remaining afternoons. Also there are new lecture materials everyday to catch up with, and tutorial homework to cover.

Gosh, so this is what Uni pressure means.

Oh well, Pain is Gain! Look on the bright side =D

CALVIN

God of the Ages

2009-02-28T11:09:00.002+13:00

I love this so so much. How I wish there is a Worship Choir here!

God of the Ages
by Travis Doucette

CALVIN

New every morning

2009-02-23T23:01:00.007+13:00

O Lord

There is absolutely nothing I can do

without you being with me

I need you

because you are my greatest need

When I come into your presence

I know you will never leave me

Because in you I find refuge

and in you I am at peace

Wherever I am tired

you are with me

In all my circumtances you are there

You comfort me

You encourage me

and you sustain me

No matter how vast the plains of my journey

You remain faithful to me

Great is your faithfulness and your compassion

for they are new every morning

Oh, how much I need you O Lord

There is nothing greater in all things

than to follow you

and to remain right here in your presence

Calvin

SMASH!!...

2009-02-22T02:19:00.005+13:00

...and down went the Twin Towers I built last year with the help of Eric and the CMSA commitee for Malam Malaysia 2008.

Yesterday, Gloria and I decided to bring down the massive cardboard structure and surrender it to the recycle bins. It freaking hurts, to see all our hardwork going to the bins.

Eric and I took 3.5 months to complete the first tower, and less than a week to complete the second tower with the help of CMSA, but Gloria and I took only 20 minutes to bring it back to square one. Destruction is surely easy and effortless...

Oh well, I'm glad that it will sort of live forever, in pictures, that is. Until now, I'm still quite amazed that we actually managed to build this giant...

CALVIN

Back and There again

2009-02-17T00:38:00.002+13:00

Obviously, Brisbane airport doesn't have free internet.

I reached Christchurch safely. Not much hassle with immigration and customs, only that the queue was quite long and slow. Purposedly didn't bring any food stuff so that I can breeze through the declaration part. One of my friends had to open up his bag and show all the items he declared one by one. It was really painstaking and time consuming waiting for them to read through all the ingredients, where some of the officers may sometimes be unsure and had to check the database for further info. Well, of course it was done for a noble cause.

Anyway, seeing friendly and familiar faces at the airport lifted my spirits and encouraged good mood. Thank you Gloria and Arie for picking us up =D, and I love my new room. Its brand new and much more spacious than my previous room. It feels like getting a promotion and consequently a brand new office. Things are usual, great weather, lovely green trees, slow paced cars with friendly drivers...

I miss home, terribly.

But I'll get over it soon, once uni and church takes over. =D Looking forward to it!

CALVIN

Very soon...

2009-02-14T12:46:00.002+13:00

...i'll be boarding the plane. My flight plan this time is no more convenient than last year. This time i'll be stopping at Sydney for an hour, continue to Brisbane, where i'll be transiting for approximately 10 hours.

Good thing i'm not travelling alone. I'm going to meet Eric, Isaac and Choon Seng at the gate.

I'm already missing home terribly. Gosh, I never thought the second time would be so much more difficult that the first time.

Got to keep this short before I get cut off from the internet again.

I'll blog in Brisbane, of course if internet is available there.

CALVIN

Soon...

2009-02-13T05:53:00.004+13:00

I'll be going back to New Zealand

That is tomorrow and I haven't even start to pack

Phew, what an eventful week...

For those who know

I can't think straight after what happened, at least for the past three days

My mind was too focused and haunted by that incident

But today will be a new day, a new dawn

And I will rise up in victory

I will start packing

Watch out NZ

I'm coming back

CALVIN

Gunung Ledang 9/2/2009

2009-02-10T14:41:00.013+13:00

Gunung Ledang, or Mount Ophir, stands magnificently with a height of 1279m above sea level. Full of green, beauty and legend, Gunung Ledang is one of the most visited mountains in Malaysia. Situated in Johor, it is the highest peak of the state.

After hearing so much about Gunung Ledang, I wanted to try this moutain out for myself. Thanks to Commander K.G. and Peter, yesterday I joined our regular team of hikers to conquer it. The hike consisted of 28 hikers and 3 guides. Being my first time to this mountain, I was really excited to face the challenge, and also to compare it to the horrendous Gunung Nuang *shivers* @_@. This time, I made sure I had enough food, proper raincoat and a torchlight in case any mishaps should take place!

We met up at Kemayan Square about 4.15am and set out for Tanggak at 4.30am. We used the Lagenda Trail which begins at Taman Hutan Lagenda.

Trail Map

At the park, we registered and declared our belongings. We had to pay RM10 each for what they call 'rubbish deposit'. You will lose $$ for each inorganic item that is not with you after the hike but was with you before the hike. This is to ensure the cleanliness of the mountain, and seriously it works perfectly, the mountain was superbly clean =D.

After that we did some warm up exercises and said a short prayer before we begin. We proceeded to hike the mountain at 8.00am.

At the park

There are 8 checkpoints (or CPs) to this hike. First we started off with a long stretch of concrete steps, about 500+, called the Tangga Mahligal, to proceed to CP1.

The freaking long trail from CP1 to CP2 to CP3 are all normal jungle trails, nothing difficult for the team (that is why I didn't take any pictures of the trail).

However some of us were already getting tired of the jungle trail, especially the neverending one from CP3 straight to CP5 (skipping CP4 which belonged to a detour to Kolam Gajah). What is most discouraging about CP3 to CP5 is that 3/4 of the trail is downhill! I mean, how could it do this to us man, knowing that we will have to compensate for the lost altitude later >_<"?!

Anyway, despite the trail mocking and laughing at us, we find ourselves in temporary victory when we reached CP5, Sg Segi Tiga. We rested for a while and I merasmikan-ed my juicy pear (no more apples please, they bring back horrible memories! haha).

Resting beside the small river

After resting, we proceeded to CP6. The trail starting from CP5 onwards to the summit is the real challenge, the path to the Dragon of Gunung Ledang!

There are so many ladders to climb, until one of the hikers commented that we were like playing 'Snakes and Ladders'. Whoa, I agree with the 'ladders' part, but certainly hope not the 'snakes' part!

After climbing these ladders, about maybe 15 of them? We arrived at CP6, Gua Kambing. Interesing name isn't it? This is because hikers would need to pass through a number of small caves.

This is one of the caves we had to pass through. Another interesting change of terrain!

Besides the interesting stretches of ladders to climb and caves to crawl, there are also these beauties to play with. =) Granite Rock climbing with ropes! FUN =DD! These ropes actually lead you to the most tentalizing and delicious KFC you can ever find in the whole world.

But then, surely its absurd to think there is KFC in the middle of nowhere.

Ahh...that is certainly true. But then, if you think about it...

KFC is really up there!

KFC - Killer For Climbers!! This HUGE granite boulder is called Batu Hampar, meaning that it is wide and flat, and is easily about 60-65 degrees steep (maybe more)! Oh my, that is what I call FUN and exciting! A change of terrain for once, away from those boring tree-roots-intertwined-together steps. This KFC was juicy and tentalizing indeed!

As you can see, the view behind us is truly awesome and beautiful. But too bad none of us dared to take a full view picture of the landscape while still clinging on to the rope.

So much fun!

After all the great fun, we proceeded to CP7. On the way we walked through Taman Bonsai, where the flora changed according to the climate on the mountain. Most of the trees at Taman Bonsai have beautifully twisted trunks. There were lots of ferns and pine looking trees too.

Shortly we reached CP7, 'Bukit Botak', the Bald Hill.

This is why it is called Botak Hill!

When we step foot on Botak Hill, Uncle Joo Tatt actually thought we aren't far from the summit. Until we pointed this out to him! Not even close uncle! =D

The far away peak where the Dragon will be slain is seen amongst the bushes

With determination and group work, we did it. I summited the mountain at approximately 12.15pm. Eventually all 28 hikers managed to summit the mountain latest by 1.15pm. A great achievement, despite leg cramps, lost soles and what-nots.

Proof! I've been there!

The view from the summit. Yesterday was quite cloudy, so we can't really see far ahead to the Straits of Melacca. But the cold strong winds was gorgeous! Blew our fatigue-ness away...

Nearby is a Telekom tower. I guess the 360 degree view ain't entirely natural, eh? =P

We spent about an hour at the summit, eating and chatting away. Congratulating every hiker that summited the mountain after us. It was really awesome.

We then started our decent using another route, easier for decending because we do not have to roll down those crazy 60-65 degrees steep Batu Hampars, and reached the base at 4.30pm. All hikers were back at the base camp lastest by 7.00pm.

But the hike to me will not be complete without a lovely soak at the waterfall, so yeahh...

Overall this hike was a treat. The weather was superb and ultimately suitable. Praise God it didn't rain and I didn't need to use my raincoat or torchlight, which I sadly didn't have while descending Gunung Nuang in the dark + rain + thunder + lighting + cold + etc etc...

Great Hike!

CALVIN

Love but can't touch

2009-02-07T05:15:00.001+13:00

I love cats.

But I can't go near them!

Because my nose and eyes will get all itchy and runny!

Love but can't touch. =(

CALVIN

Maxy and Handsome Boy in pic...=D

Set me free - a song

2009-01-27T23:43:00.007+13:00

When I was blind

You made me see

The beauty of your majesty

Once I was lost

But now I'm found

When you came down and died for me

How can this be

For you are holy

I stand amazed at your unfailing love

I lift my hands to you

My rock and my redeemer

You have set me free forever

Lord

I lift my voice to you

I sing your praise

You have set me free forerver

Lord

You tore the veil and made a way

to set me free

You suffered on the cross and cried

to set me free

There you broke my shame and sinfulness

to set me free

I lift my hands to you

My rock and my redeemer

You have set me free forever

Lord

I lift my voice to you

I sing your praise

You have set me free forerver

Lord

CALVIN

Adjustments

2009-01-19T21:32:00.005+13:00

I guess it is the adjustment to the different environments.

I find my footing in one environment, build relationships and friendships, to find myself leaving that environment to another, and another, and another. Going through the same emotional experience that accompanies adjustment.

But what I am currently experiencing is not the adjustment to a series of different environments, rather the oscillation between two, both of which have impacted my life and made me who I am today.

As much as I love both environments, the oscillations between them are agonizing. It feels as though I will never be able to commit myself to both, and it is inevitable to love one without hurting and betraying the other.

As for now, honestly I am not looking forward to going back. But circumstances will somehow change in time...

Sigh, am I that predictable? I feel like the weather. Lol...

CALVIN

when imagination...

2009-01-12T22:13:00.003+13:00

...takes a toll on me

i am in a dragon's belly

or on the surface of volcanic soil

wearing mithril armor, grasping the sword of kings

leading horsemen to the black gate

even at sea

taken hostage, captured by pirates

or riding an orca across the pacific

or in space, or subspace wearing a starfleet uniform

adjusting plasma manifolds or firing a photon torpedo

travelling in slip stream over huge distances

to walking on a demon class planet

i'm bored...

CALVIN

Thoughts

2008-12-31T23:16:00.004+13:00

Sometimes, I wish I could warp back in time, to see from an observer's eyes what had actually taken place that made me who I am today, and if I could, to make right whatever that had gone wrong. As with some of us, no doubt there are things about me that I wish did not happen during the past.

The past does influence the future, but still, its good to know that the future does not entirely depend on the past but more so on the present.

I guess a person's past should not define who the person is, rather the choices that person makes in the present. Thinking years back, who knows what can happen in the future if I chose A instead of B, or if I did this instead of what I did then. Things can be very uncertain for those who live in the present, who do not know the future, and who only depend on their past for guidance.

...Choices...

Whatever I can do now to make things right, I choose by God's strength to do it. We know with God nothing is impossible, and it is this hope in Him that I choose to place my faith and trust. It is because of who He is, and how He is immensely mindful of me, with thoughts about me as numerous as the sand that I choose to surrender my future into His hands.

I am not perfect, and it has not been easy, but time and time again I must remind myself to make the right choices.

CALVIN

Calvin...

2008-12-29T02:09:00.007+13:00

is back from Sabah.

I really had a wonderful time there, learnt a lot too. :)

I miss it, very much. It was the best Sabah visit I have had to date. Spending Christmas there was the highlight of the whole visit.

Uploaded a number of pictures at my Facebook, do check them out!

Calvin

Calvin...

2008-12-17T22:57:00.006+13:00

is currently in Sabah...

I never actually realised how much Sabah actually exist in me. Being here only a few days, plus the occasional two-yearly visits with my family, I don't expect myself to know Sabah well.

Of course geographically I don't know much, aside from the distinct locations of cities/towns, and Mount Kinabalu, which I long to go (but had not the chance...sigh).

But yet, somehow I feel that I know this place by heart, the culture and its people. In other words, confident.

I saw the peak of Mount Kinabalu as the plane flew inland towards Sandakan from KK. That massive granite boulder is so magnificent...

His Story

2008-12-04T04:22:00.007+13:00

To EVERYONE out there...

For year 2008, Agape Gospel Assembly Seremban will be presenting a Christmas Musical entitled His Story on three nights, that is from Friday 12th to Sunday 14th December, 8.00pm each night. All of you are invited to join us in awesome Song, Music, Dance and Drama to celebrate Christmas together. Do try to come, it will be awesome! (The musical is repeated each night, so you only need to come for one night, =p)

Last year, Agape presented a Christmas Musical entitled From Heaven's Throne (Read about it here and here), some pictures are placed at the righthand side bar of my blog under 'Christmas Musical'. This year, Agape will present both From Heaven's Throne and its sequel, Let All Heaven Rejoice, under one performance, naming the whole performance His Story.

This will be one awesome event not to miss! Come and be blessed!

CALVIN

Know You By Heart

2008-11-25T16:45:00.005+13:00

I don't know about you, but music like this, to me its just heavenly. I listened and wonder, just how immensely passionate the writer needs to be when writing this song.

Know You By Heart by Dave Koz and Skip Ewing

Piano : Jim Brickman

Alto Sax : Dave Koz

Calvin

Inspired

2008-11-23T04:15:00.006+13:00

O Lord

who can run from your amazing grace

no one

no depths nor heights

can hide your love from me

I turned my face from you

but you call out my name

you prompt my heart

with your everlasting love

and I am forever changed

how my heart longs for you

O Lord

like a raging fire my heart burns

to remain in your presence

because there is no other place I'd rather be

than to be with you

Cal

I'm...

2008-11-19T04:50:00.005+13:00

Home.

And it is super hot over here. ><"

Really having mixed feelings now. My stomach is crunching at these weird emotions. At times I really just want to go back.

I miss everyone there.

Probably it takes time to adjust.

Ooo yeah, my old DiGi is gone, here is my new one, 014 6679583

CALVIN

15 November 2008

2008-11-15T02:32:00.006+13:00

is the date I'll leave Christchurch for home for the first time.

Ray : You are going back tomorrow! How exciting!

Calvin : Yeah...haha, exciting it is.

......

Calvin : Mixed feelings...

Ray : That's good. Right in a way.

Calvin : I suppose so.

Ray : That means lots of good things. Better to be sad to leave and happy to go back, than happy to leave but sad to go back, if u know what i mean.

Yeah...

CALVIN

1st year in NZ

2008-11-07T00:52:00.019+13:00

I should have posted this two days ago because it was then that I had my final paper. YEAAHHHH!! The sense of freedom was so tremendous that a bunch of us spontaneously took the bus up to New Brighton beach to watch the fireworks display in conjunction with Guy Fawkes Night. Seriously, what a coincidence! We then headed back to Ilam for a delicious supper at Dragon, and visited flats after flats just to waste the night off. I was so tired then that I decided to just crash on the bed.

I woke up directionless. Suddenly I had to think up of something to do other than studying! Goodness gracious, that is what will happen to you after 3 1/2 months of studying that climaxes during that 3 final examinations you have been preparing so hard for. Well, at least today I got to compile up my notes and file them, and also tidy up my room by throwing away the left-overs of the Twin Towers project to the dumpster. Funnn!...

Now that Intermediate Year 2008 is done and over with (well not quite until my exam results are out), its time for some reflections and important highlights for my first year at NZ. Events are in chronological order...=) Some of the dates I couldn't remember (??)...This will be a very very long list!

Feb 15th - Arive at Christchurch International Airport. The temperature was 9 degrees because it was raining, and for the first time I could see my own breath! I remembered Christchurch then was so green during mid-summer. Reached Rochester and Rutherford Hall to be greeted by Gloria (who contacted me by spamming my email inbox in 2007, lol) and some others. So awesome to have such great people here to help us around :). Walked around after midnight to buy some coffee and muffins at Countdown (was opened 24 hrs then).
Feb 17th - Ray brought me to Every Nation Church, and I really loved it. But then I was still planning to look around for a home church, after a few weeks I decided to stay at Every Nation. After service, Gloria and Ray brought us out to the city. They showed us around and just spent time getting to know us. It was awesome!
Feb 20th - International Enrolment day. Got my enrolment sorted out, first time meeting Wan Yin at the counter. Of course we did not know each other yet. :) Bought a brand new bike! 21 speed. Will use it to the max for the whole duration of my study.
Feb 23rd (or 24th??) - Celebrated Eric's birthday (His birthday is 24th Feb, forgot we celebrated on which day). Cooked dinner at Angeline's flat. Oh yeah, that polar bear has finally awaken from his hibernation. His new blogspot.
Feb 25th - Lectures starts...
Feb 28th - ICF barbeque night at Wei Zheng's flat.
Feb 29th - Got my first Uni assignment...sigh
March - hectic study...
March 15th - Adventure Race organized by Canterbury Malaysian Students Assoc.
March 23rd- First time serving in Sunday Service, playing the main keys. Francesca, my elder sister was at Christchurch with her friend Emma. After service, Ray drove us to Akaroa and Lyttletton.
April 6th - Went to Rangiora to watch the musical Les Miserables by the North Canterbury Musical Society!
April - Mid semester break!! First time working as a cleaner at College House. A wonderful experience! Francesca and I went down south to Ashburton (we saw Rohan!!), Timaru, Omaru, and Dunedin (Met JoJo-sephine!! Dear CA senior =p). Awesome fun and relaxation. Also completed my egg seperator model at Ashburton at the motel...aiks. A big day for Fran, she got news that she was accepted by the company that she was hoping to get.
April 28th - My first test. Chem113 test.
May 15th - My birthday. Had a wonderful time at my room just eating away. Eric bought me Sweet and Sour pork! Rest of May is more uni and study.
May 30th - Got my first Keyboard. Yamaha DGX-220, fairly good second hand keys but seriously doesn't meet my piano musical demand. But still its sufficient for chords and church music. Great sounds! Love the soprano sax!
June 7th - First time experiencing SNOW!
June 10th - 15th - Study break. Helped out with ICF to serve tea and coffee at the central library.
June 16th to 23rd - Final examination for semester 1!! Horrid and hectic! Did really well though, praise God!
June 28th to July 2nd - Trip to Auckland. Met up with buddy Kien Seng and other Auckland people. Was an awesome trip, really had heaps of fun. Mount Eden and the Museum was my favourite! Saw Mark P Santich at Auckland Airport, haha, he was attending the TSCF conference at Auckland.
July 5th - Jeffrey came to Christchurch for a week to visit his Uncle and us. His uncle 'entrusted' Jeffrey to us. Brought him to places at Christchurch, and also to Taylors Mistake and Godley head. Started to build the Twin Towers during this week, which Jeffrey helped out too actually!! Awesome! Rest of July is more study for 2nd semester...
July 22nd - Attended ENLI - Every Nation Leadership Institute, prompted by the Holy Spirit. A bible study class every Tuesday night. I thoroughly enjoyed this Bible class, and will definitely come back for more next year! I have grown A LOT by attending ENLI, and most of all, got to build deeper relationships with others, mostly via coffee break. Lol!
August - MORE study and labs...struggling to build the first tower of the Twin Towers. Preparation for Malam Malaysia 2008 gets exciting!
August 9th - Aunty Swee Lin took me for a treat! She brought me and two of her sons, Joshua and Benjamin to watch the Christchurch Symphony Orchestra play. So COOL!
August 17th - Performed and sang the song 'You are Lord of All' that I composed at church. Thanks Ps. B.
August 25th - Talent Nite 2008. Performed with Ray, Ian, Josiah, Ben, and Bernard. Did the song 'On Fire' by SwitchFoot! Awesome night but didn't stay for the whole thing, rushed back to continue with the Twin Towers!
August 30th - Malam Malaysia 2008. The event was awesome in my opinion. Gloria and team did an awesome job! For my side, the towers really looked great, and became the main photography item for the whole event! Performed as a model in the fashion shows, wearing a Jubah, an Indian traditional clothing. Played the keys for an unplugged performance.
September 1st?? - Went for a solo trip to Taylors Mistake and Godley head. This time I went crazy/berserk/out of my mind/nuts and risked my life to go right down to bottom of the edge of the cliffs to see the black rocks and the strong water currents. Got some horrid cuts on my right arm after gila-ing to climb a tree...aiks. Rushed back to cook curry with Yuen Leung and Siew Ping...haha
September 2nd - Visit to Mark P Santich's place! Learnt to make our own Vietnamese Rolls, played Cranium and SingStar! Such awesome people!
September 4th to 5th - Hanmer Springs trip!! Thanks Ray for organizing it. Had REALLYYYY AWESOME fun and laughter! Became the 'penjaga api', had barbeque, played pictionary, learned Mahjong (thanks to Teng Ma), watched Lion King, and a movie (forgot the title...)
September 12th to 14th - Every Nation camp at Woodend! In The Jungle!! Really had awesome fun and laughter. Ps. B dressed up as a Gorilla scared Gloria to the max! Had a bad cut on my lips and gums after a bad accident at the park...my bad. Ps. B and family tought us the Barn Dance! So much fun!!
September 19th to 20th - I will NEVER forget this one. Men's Victory Weekend at Every Nation. Man. It was a really powerful time for me where God revealed lots about myself to me. Wrote them down on paper and permanently in my heart. Thanks Ray and Ian for urging. Most of all, thank you Lord...
September 25th - Elected to be in the ICF exec committee for 2009. Looking forward to serve God in this ministry!
September 26th - Bowling night with ICF and bubble tea at Ancestral!
October - endless routine/merry-go-round of lectures and labs and lectures and labs and online quizzes...and so on so on...
October 5th to 17th - Got really irritated by my Math lecturer. Skipped all his lectures and studied the materials on my own. Argh!
October 18th - Younger sister's birthday. Sent her a card. :) ICF end of term Barbeque at Mark's place. Night of Stars at Every Nation! Loved and still loving your testimonies guys! Truly inspired.
October 20th to 27th - Study break. Study study study. Helped out with ICF to serve tea and coffee at the central library on Wednesday.
October 28th to November 5th - Final exams for semester 2.

Yeah, that is about all I can gather currently. I will add on to the list if I could recall some. All in all, I am just truly inspired by the people here, what they have achieved and their awesome kindness and personality. Some will be leaving soon and I'm gonna miss them. Looking at them, I know that God has great and unique plans for me here, and I'm so excited for that. Most importantly for me I guess is that throughout the year, I realised that somehow, whatever i do, my heart only truly burns for Christ and for His glory alone. Its just so amazing to have God and His church part of my life everywhere I am. Everywhere I go, I know I will somehow belong. I am so looking forward to see God work in me for the next 3 years here at NZ. Its going to be an exciting and awesome journey...

Really looking forward to going back home for the Summer too! Agape Gospel Assembly is having another Christmas Musical, and I heard its gonna be BIG!

Awesome!

CALVIN

9/11/2008

Came back from Paul Jack's house where we had an Every Nation Campus Ministry ideas and sharing meeting. Just want to really thank them for everything they had done to serve me in my first year. They had helped me a lot in finding ground and connecting with Every Nation. Was disappointed because Paul and Tanya were away for 4 months and I did not get to really know them well yet. I'm looking forward to helping out in this ministry as well! 2009 will be awesome...

So Close

2008-10-22T16:40:00.006+13:00

Thanks to a UCanDance session organized by Gloria, at least I know about 30% of the moves (okay okay...maybe less...=P)

Swoonnn...How awesome if I could dance like that, or like Ray or Sam...ish..

Also, I never really paid attention to the song, until I watched it again. I love this song.

So Close: Song by Stephen Schwartz and Alan Menken. Performed by Jon McLaughlin.

Calvin

My Testimony

2008-10-16T14:08:00.006+13:00

As long as I can remember, I have been attending church since I was a kid. Brought up in a Christian family, my parents would bring me and my siblings to Children’s Church every Sunday. I was never unfamiliar about who and what Jesus is, about the stories in the Bible, and the heaps of bible versus we had to memorize. However looking back, just being familiar about these things does not make me a Christian. I did not totally understand the significance of who Jesus is, and what Christianity is all about. It was, at times lack of meaning to me as a growing kid. Thus, Christianity was still a choice I had to make for my life, whether or not to commit and surrender my all to Jesus.

As I ventured into my teenage years, I find myself struggling with issues such as identity, lack of confidence, anxiousness and loneliness. It was during these times that my focus in Christ began to take place. I told myself, “If God is really who they say He is at Church, if Jesus really came to redeem us from our sins to give us new life, then I want my life to be based on that truth.” Thus in 2002, I made the choice to commit my life to Christ, and I accepted Christ as my Lord and my saviour.

Since then, God has been very real to me. Now, He is everything that I live for. As a teenager, I grew up with my life in God’s hands. He has always been someone that I will always turn to first in times trouble and in times of peace. Looking back, God has always been in every situation that I have been through, from my studies to my friends, family, and everything that I am. Each time I faced trouble, at the end of the day, I came out of it stronger and victorious. This is because in Him, I am assured that everything in my life will eventually turn out at the right place at the right time, if I am willing to let God work in me. What God has planned for me, he has already planned even before I was born. And His plan for our lives is the best plan that you can ever hope for! How peaceful and amazing is that, because when God blesses, He blesses with the best. One example on how God is so real to me is my studies. I am not a particularly smart student. But looking back until now, God has seen me through my studies time and time again. Those good grades you see, it wasn’t me that was working, but God. Without Him, I wouldn’t have accomplished them by my own strength.

Knowing that God is always faithful to me, and that his promises are always true, comes the ultimate Joy that I have every day of my life. You see, joy for me is so different from happiness in the sense that Joy is everlasting, and is independent of any situation I am facing. Because the Joy of the Lord is my strength, I know I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me. Nothing in this world has the power to pull me down because there is nothing in this world that can separate me from the Love of God that is in Christ. All that is needed from me is faith, obedience, and the willingness to let God do His work in me.

I guess the main point I am trying to bring across is that, it is not so much about me anymore, but about God. You see friends, without God I am nothing. However with God, I find my pride and glory in Christ. I am proud not of my accomplishments through Christ, but I am proud because it is Christ that made these accomplishments happen. For this I am proud, that at the end of the day, Christ is the one being glorified. As a song goes,

In Christ Alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ Alone

God may seem really distant from you, but I want to encourage you that God is always waiting for you to open your heart to Him. Don’t try to understand God up here in your head, but experience God down here in your heart. With all my heart I pray that you will be inspired by this, and that one way or another, you will become aware of an awesome God who loves you.

Calvin

Dance in worship

2008-10-14T00:53:00.007+13:00

It is so amazing to see how God can allow different forms of worship to Him. As worship comes from the heart, an ordinary act of worship even in the simplest form, can touch and impact lives.

This is so awesome.

Calvin

Random VI

2008-10-09T12:51:00.006+13:00

look out

life is springing

the trees whisper

and birds hum

they go to witness

the colours fill the room, of

wind and sun

cloud and shade

complexity is made beautiful

integrated and

made into one

that is

magnificent

of splendour

and beauty

Calvin

Waiting

2008-10-05T22:01:00.002+13:00

Waiting

for someone to appear

in my life to share

who I am and what I know

to haunt my steps

in a graceful manner

leading me

to realise

how much more I could be

than what I am now

Calvin

One Ring to rule them all

2008-09-30T00:36:00.003+13:00

ARGH! I can't believe i'm going nuts over LOTR...

Shucks...LOTR has been the only thing i've been watching...

oh no...

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

The Great eye watches...

Must not be drawn to the One Ring

Must resist...

resist...

Identity - Experiencing Victory

2008-09-28T00:26:00.014+12:00

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed" John 8:36

Identity was one of the issues. Who am I?

He looked at the mirror, and he saw a frail body. With just one glance you will know that he could not do much, at least physically. A longer look at his eyes, you will know that he lacked confidence.

I struggled with identity. Honestly, most of the time, I do not see myself as capable. People may tell you differently, that I am multi talented, very good in studies, musically inclined etc. But one thing they will definately miss out, I have no confidence. Many times one of my teachers back at form 5 will tell me encouraging things about myself, particularly that I am a very creative person. Time and time again she will just praise me in front of the class, out of the blue, that I am very creative. She gave evidence such as my somewhat unique and styled cursive handwritting (which she sometimes despised because she can't read it), the way I conduct the school choir, how I do things differently than others, and hillariously, the way I can create my own or twist existing 'peribahasa-s' when I could not give the accurate 'peribahasa'...Two of them I remember clearly,

1) Bagai enzim dan substrat

2) Nampak tahi mata orang lain, tapi tahi mata sendiri tak nampak

How could this be a sign of creativity!? Come on, that was just some crap I came out with to fill in the blanks and to create some laughter. There also were times after greeting her, she will hold out her hand for a hand shake. Never once she finishes our hand shake without saying, "Calvin, shake firmly! Be confident!".

I grew up in an environment where I had very few friends. Strict parenting, which was good in many ways, however did not help much in my social life. Almost everyday after school I would be back home, finishing off my homework. No clubs, no sports, no outings with friends. Getting permission to a birthday party was sometimes a terribly difficult thing to do. Somehow this lack of interaction with people affected my confidence when being with people. I do not know why, but I just found it difficult to relate with my peers. Honestly, the loneliness was tremendous. I just find myself so terribly different from others. Six months at Taylors College did not help either. 99% of the time I was by myself. I could not mix well with my classmates probably because of my poor people skills. Every dinner time was a lonely one. I disliked my two roommates because they knew each other well, and they were just too noisy.

It was during these times of loneliness that I question, "Who am I?". "What is my worth?". "What am I good for?". "Why am I so different?". These were questions of identity that gave me no sense of worth, importance, contribution and passion.

INTEC was where/when my situation changed drastically. I went there not knowing anyone, and left there having friends that I would lay down my life for. Campus Alive. The impact that CA left on me was so amazing and powerful that I will always feel comforted and blessed each time I reflect back. Above all else, I have friends. Once BenJ said at church pre-service prayer, "I thank God that I have friends". By just hearing that I thought of CA, and how eternally grateful I am to have known them. It was the very very first time that people outside my primary family actually wrote farewell letters to me, and gave me a small yet memorable birthday celebration. It was the very first time that people actually acknowledge me for who I am, and accepted me for just being me. They built relationship with me not by telling me about themselves, but actually sincerely wanting to know more about me and what I am interested in. They do not shut me off even if they do not know a thing about my interests, instead they asked me more questions so that our conversations would continue. From there, I realised that there are people in the world that are somehow like myself, and that I am not so different after all.

When I came to NZ, I wanted the same to happen as when I came to INTEC. But no, it did not. I started to miss CA terribly, because friendships like those from CA were difficult to find. Being introduced to a fairly new environment and culture, I found it again difficult to relate with the people. People are different here, and I had no confidence in myself in finding new friends. As time passes, I find myself lacking socially and church was not as joyful as I hoped it would be. Basically, most of the things I hoped for when I came here are not present. Church choir, CA-type CF, people I can relate with...etc. Then came a point after a small group with some christian seniors Gloria organized, where I decided to let go of the past and move on. Placing in Him my trust, that He is after all, in control of all things. Having the faith that I will find my place in NZ, where I will be used mightily for His glory, and knowing joyfully that I am significant (Jeremiah 1:5). Things took a mighty turn with this different mindset I had. I have joy and peace everyday knowing that somehow I was, am and will be playing a major role in certain people's life. It was during these times that God had convicted me to accept myself, and the uniqueness he had placed in me. At INTEC, people accepted me for who I am, my strengths and weaknesses. But at NZ, I accepted myself for who I am, my strengths and weaknesses, having 'the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference' in the context of who I am.

It was at Victory Weekend where God had affirmed and spoken to me about how I am uniquely and specially made for a purpose.

"Gentle. That is a word about you that popped out to me each time I see you." - Amos

"People will see you not so much a Great Man of God, but a Man of the Great God." - Johnny

"I see you opening a door so easily where all others just can't, and you led them through the door" - Paul J

"Faithful Servant. You are a faithful servant. People will see that, be inspired and follow Christ through you." - Ps. George

"Breakthrough. God is preparing you for a breakthrough, and from that He will use you to help others breakthrough." - Nathan

"Calvin, you need to press into the word in order for you to be used to do such things." - Russel

"I am proud of you. You have gotten this far." - Ps. B

As for now, he looks at the mirror, and he sees God's workmanship (Eph 2:10), someone so valuable that Jesus died for him (Rom 5:7,8).

There are more to come in the coming years for me to experience. But right now, I am experiencing freedom, powerfully and victoriously.

All Glory to God! AMEN!

Calvin

P.S.: This is a song I wrote after Victory Weekend, may it be a blessing to you.

Your Love O Lord

Is deeper than any Ocean

Your Faithfulness

Is higher that the borders of the Earth

In awe of who you are

We lift your name high above all names

We cry out

"Holy, holy, holy..."

Be Exalted

High above the Heavens

Be Exalted

We crown you with Praise

Be Exalted

Lord and King of all

Jesus, my Lord

Be Exalted

When I am down

You open up your arms and call me home

And I run to you

You hold me close and never let me go

There's no one like you O Lord

You touch my heart the way that no one could

And now I'm forever yours

Now and forever

Be Exalted
High above the Heavens
Be Exalted
We crown you with Praise
Be Exalted
Lord and King of all

Jesus, my Lord
Be Exalted

Too quiet?

2008-09-24T11:27:00.004+12:00

People have been asking me to update...here is one random update =P

Guess where this passage can be found. Very obvious and easy!!

'From the ashes a fire shall be woken

A light from the shadow shall spring

Renewed shall be blade that was broken

The crownless again shall be King'

If you guess correctly, you will receive something special from me. =)

Calvin

Lord I Need You - A Song

2008-09-08T16:17:00.006+12:00

Don't wanna go on Lord
Don't wanna face the world
The road is long and dry
The race never ending

Still, you pick me up when I fall
and surround me with your Love

Everyday and every moment
You reach out to me
Remind me of your Love
Your grace and your mercy
Your promises that's everlasting

Still, you pick me up when I fall
and surround me with your Love

Lord I need you
Lord I need you
There is no where else to go
But surrender all, my all

Lord I give you praise
Of your Love and grace
And for this I know
You are all I need

Calvin

Twin Towers

2008-08-31T01:20:00.015+12:00

Below is a very brief and abridged account of the building of the Twin Towers for Malam Malaysia 2008

About 4 months ago, Merlin Chai approached me and randomly asked me whether I want to be part of the Malam Malaysia 2008 Committee, Decoration Team. Thought of lending a hand, I said 'yes' without hestitation, not knowing how I would be of help as I know next to nothing about decoration.

Nothing really happened for a few weeks. But during the first team meeting that I attended, things were getting quite exciting. Honestly I felt uneasy because I'm quite hopeless at decorations, colour combinations, and all sorts of paper, scissors, glue (not stone la...lol) stuff. After much brainstorming, the team came up with the idea of 'Bandar (city) and Kampung (village)' decorations. Things like making trees, city buildings and rumah papan using cardboxes, candles for Bandar, 'anyaman' for Kampung, tealight candles in fish bowls and lots more came up...wow, I was so impressed by their creativity. After delegating jobs, I was given the honour to take care of the 'buildings'. What buildings? Well, Twin Towers, KL Tower, Kuching Tower, Clock Tower...=S...how in the world I'm gonna build all these stuff using cardboxes? Anyway, I just said i'll do it la, just nod head nia...=P

So, I decided to start off with the Petronas Twin Towers first and worry about the rest later. Not even knowing in detail how the Twin Towers actually look like structurally, I googgled for some ideas. After some thought, I decided confidently it will not be such a difficult job to build it since its structure is relatively simple and easy to understand.

But when I started to build it, it was NOT as simple and easy as I thought it would be...aiks...will not blog about the details on how I built it la...malas =p

So first things first, cut cut cut...cut like mad...

For more than 3 months my room was filled with cardboxes from Countdown (FOC), bits and pieces lying all over the place. My room even smelled like cardboxes. You have no idea what all these cardboxes were used to store...=p

After cutting some of the pieces I decided to start building it little by little...I'm super glad Eric decided to help me.

So for more than a month, Eric and I cut and build. At a time, we had to dismantle everything because it looked horrible. So we devised another strategy to make sure that the tower is straight and not crooked.

Sure enough our strategy worked perfectly! Little by little we see our hard work bearing fruit!

Might seem a little bent here...thats because its in a few pieces, and I didn't stack them properly...=)

Ooo...getting taller!!

Every week Merlin will ask for a progess report and most of the time I had nothing to say except that it is still not done...of course lah...this thing is so massive to build...aiks. At first I had only planned to build them as tall as my height, but because doing so will not make it proportional to the actual towers, I had to make my model taller...my bad in this part as the base of the model towers is too big...

Eric helped a lot...

As time goes by, and after several meetings Merlin decided that I just stick to building the Twin Towers and forget about the rest. A week before Malam, I managed to finally finish up the first tower. The first tower thus took approximately 3 1/2 months to complete...and I had to finish the 2nd one in less than a week!!

First tower standing tall

Malam was successful because of the awesome teamwork. Thanks to every single person in and out of the committee that had the patience to help me throughout the week to finish up the 2nd tower...Many helped me cut up all the required pieces, hundreds of them and assisted me in stacking them up. Eric and I made the bridge last, which of course, connected the twin towers. If we had more time, we would have built the 2 cylinders plus Suria KLCC too...well, leave that to the juniors gua...haha

Construction completed...

Now, spray paint and glitters at Merlin's garage! Twin Towers officially completed!

At the hotel during Malam =p...before setting up

After setting up!!

It wasn't easy...but looking at the product of our hardwork, it was worth it! =p

BIG Thanks to everyone who helped!

Calvin

P.S.: Happy 51st birthday Malaysia...

Meant to be

2008-08-30T16:00:00.003+12:00

Face it.

You are meant to be alone.

You have tried very hard, but got nowhere.

People you thought are, aren't anymore.

They have turned their backs on you, because to them you are not worthy of attention.

In their eyes you are worthy of use, but worthless as a friend.

There is a purpose for you to be alone. What it is I do not know.

For the time being you are to be alone.

The days to come may prove differently, but that I do not know.

Just know that you are not alone somehow.

Open the eyes of your heart and you shall see.

Calvin

Encouraged

2008-08-21T01:33:00.004+12:00

"I am so encouraged, O Lord.

Never did I realise how much you have actually used me to impact the lives of people. What an honour it is to be part of your amazing plan to transform this person into gold.

This is what I want for my life.

This is what my heart beats so passionately for.

Because from now, everything else is secondary.

Here I am.

Use me, O Lord."

Nivlac -is- Inpired

Math109 Skills Test 1

2008-08-14T15:38:00.010+12:00

Math was not the ultimate one to conquer. The real enemy was time.

On the battlefield, every nanosecond counts. Every move and scribble you make, determines the outcome of your cause. Every thought and strategy you devise can either bring you to success or leave you to die.

The feeling was so real. It was real for once in my whole life that I was saving a girl in distress, or bringing the One Ring to be destroyed. In 15 minutes you must leave the Shire, dodge the 9 Black Riders or Nazguls, to Rivendell, the Misty Mountains, the Mines of Moria, dodge millions of goblins and orcs, Balrog, tens of thousands or Uruk Hai, to Edoras, Helms Deep, the Dead City, Fangohorn Forest, Isengard, Ithilien, Osgiliath, Minas Tirith and finally Mordor where the fiery fires of Mount Doom is situated. I remembered so clearly, running those fast paced math steps in my head, I had just 1 minute to do the final integration question due to some blunder I made for some previous questions. I was about to give up and let time consume me, but the picture of the Dark Lord Sauron wearing the One Ring and the Shire bursting in flames forced me to fight to the very end. If I fall, I fall with honour.

It was the fastest mind math I did. I could not simplify the expression to a simpler form as what the practice tests always required me to do. Doing too much practice tests led me to think narrowly. But in the end, the final 20 seconds, I decided to take another path, to take the road to the Morgul Vale, and then the pass of Cirith Ungol, and face HER. But suddenly in the midst of fighting in probably the last 10 seconds of my life, the light of Earendil, the most beloved star shown its stunning brightness. After running those maths in my head I rapidly pressed '1' in the answer box, and in less than a second the box 'Your time is up. Click to exit.' popped up.

*Heart beats rapidly*Breathing heavily*...

I did it.

The One Ring was destroyed...

phew...

CALVIN

P.S.: The story of the One Ring was greatly warped here to suit my story...=P

Credits to J.R.R. Tolkien for his great book.

Deep sway

2008-08-05T22:14:00.010+12:00

I see it in my mind

how the things of the past flash swiftly across the lids of my eyes

like blurring images they are, accelarating

I feel myself floating in a pool

of neither air nor water

but of a tender force of the memories of the past

the pictures have a mind of their own

with intention they swift past my eyes knowing I would take notice

of the stories they want to tell

of the deadly truth they want to reveal

their whispers disturb the air

making it dense with a nameless fear

sweat covers my skin and dampens my clothes

it was not long until I come to realise

my past had caught up with me

the horn of war is soon to be sounded

the banners of anger are soon to be raised

the weapon of the enemy is at hand

time cannot be stopped

i must face it

with the sword in my hand

and the shield on another

because there is no turning back

no turning back

on this road I am running on

where bushes are its guardians, as tall as the statues of my past

the road consumes me

little by little the dark night claims its rule

portion by portion it claims victory

over my life

and over all

Calvin

PS : Just a ramble of my imaginations. Nothing to worry about. =)

You are Lord of all - a song

2008-07-28T20:09:00.004+12:00

O Lord

How magnificent you are

Amazing and so abounding in love

I stand here in awe of you

We worship you

You alone are worthy

Forever you are Lord

You are worthy, we give you glory, all praises to you

For you are Lord of all

You are King of all

Blessed is your name O Lord, my God

Forever you will reign

Forever and forever your Kingdom will rule

For you are Lord of all creation

Blessed is your name

Forever you will reign

O Lord, my God

Calvin

All things are possible

2008-07-26T01:55:00.004+12:00

"You sent for me, Your Grace?"

"10 million, as promised, with my gratitude."

"I accept your gratitude, Your Highness. But, uh, I don't want the money."

"What do you want then?"

"......Unfortunately, nothing you can give."

"Young man, where did you get that music box? You were the boy, weren't you? The servant boy who got us out. You saved her life, and mine, then you restored her to me. Yet, you want no reward?"

"Not any more..."

"Why the change of mind?"

"It was more a change of heart..."

All things are possible with you, O Lord.

cal

P.S.: Don't bother trying to figure out what this means...It is not meant to be understood. Only some people will know...=)

Am I trying too hard?

2008-07-24T22:23:00.005+12:00

Why do I feel so different?

I can't fit in well. I tried. But it just does not work.

You can't force me to fit in.

Because it does not work that way.

Am I trying too hard?

Am I trying too hard?

This shouldn't be happening.

Because it never happened until now.

The light did not reveal you imaginary no more.

Instead I still see you trapped, not wanting to come out and greet me.

I must not try too hard.

This should come naturally.

cal

Home

2008-07-17T00:37:00.003+12:00

Only at home I could find these...

I miss home

"Like the flowers, home is beauty

A place where all colours match"

//nivlacinspire//

P.S. : Pictures taken from the garden of my home

No borders

2008-07-10T21:19:00.003+12:00

When I come to you, O Lord

Your arms streches as wide as the oceans

You listen to my every word

and you never let me go untouched

Your everlasting love

turns my tears into wine

Every drop you collect and treasure them

For you see my suffering, and

you know my circumtances

Because of who you are, my Lord

I turn my eyes on you

In all that I am going through

I know you are there beside me

Thus, as far as the ocean goes

Still your love surpasses its borders

How amazing you are, my Lord

Calvin

"Your love O Lord, is like the ocean, deeper than endless seas"

Still an imagination

2008-07-07T00:23:00.005+12:00

Where are you?

I have been waiting for so long, but you never came.

I close the curtains of my eyes, and in the darkness I hear myself whisper,

"Come closer. Closer. Closer."

But you never came.

I talk to you in a great distance.

The reply I hear, I thought it was real.

I came to realize, however, that it was only my imagination that answers me.

I thought you have come,

but you never came.

In a group of four,

I am always behind, alone,

while the other three walk in a neat row.

In a group of three,

I am always behind, alone,

while the other two walk in a neat row.

Even in a group of two,

I do not belong.

We walk in a neat row, but I am alone.

"Come closer to me."

"Do you not see I desperately need your company?"

"Do you not know that by waiting even longer, I'll be nothing but dust?"

"Do you not realize your importance in being someone I could belong to, connect with and trust?"

"Do you still want to be just an imaginary part of my life, rather than reality?"

"Come closer. Closer. Closer."

I hope and wait still, that when I pull open the curtains, the light will reveal you imaginary no more.

Be real to me,

My friend.

Calvin

Another visit to Sumner Beach

2008-06-27T19:34:00.021+12:00

Yesterday afternoon, I have decided that I will fulfill my long planned bike trip to Sumner Beach today. Eric was keen to join me as he too planned to bike to Sumner Beach a long time ago. So we got up early this morning, had our breakfast and departed from Ilam at approximately 11.00 am.

Based on the map the University gave us during our orientation week, it stated that Sumner is 17 km from the University. So that means we will have to bike for ~34 km! Of course, we were really confident that it would not be a difficult task, because we have trained ourselves much by consistently biking to the mall, supermarkets and the City.

So we headed off with high spirits and great confidence. We first reached the city in just 15 minutes, which was highly unexpected. So that is a good start! We then looked at the map again to confirm the route to the beach. 'Not that far...half way to go!' we thought. As expected, the biking trip to the beach was not a problem at all, even though the wind got strong at certain bends. Timing wise, we managed to reach the beach in just 1 and 1/2 hours.

On the way, we stopped by a public toilet. My bad. =P

And we took some pictures as proof that we actually cycled there!! Haha...

When we reached the beach, something we really hoped NOT to happen happened. It started to rain heavily, and the winds were just gushing everywhere! Oh no! When it rains, it rains for ages! How are we going to cycle back in this freaky weather?!

Oh well, we did not want to think much about that then, so we continued taking pictures and finding a place for lunch.

Nice nice beautiful flowers!! In winter they bloom!

We had fish and chips for lunch. 40 cents more expensive than Fresco Fisheries at Church Corner, and 10 times worse in quality...But we were tired and hungry so we did not complain much. Since the rain and wind did not subside, we decided to wait and spend time in the public library.

Around 2.30 pm, the rain and winds were still strong. However, we cannot afford to wait any longer, because NZ gets dark by 5.30pm these days, and we know that our return bike trip will definitely be a long and exhausting one!

We stepped out of the library, and man, the cold freaked us out! Bike + Rain + Wind + Cold = you don't want to know... Oh dear... We had no other choice but to face the rain, wind and the bitter cold. So we began to head back. Just one minute of cycling was enough to tell me that this is not going to be good...not good...The winds were so strong that it could sway you and your bike while you are cycling. There was a moment when the wind just blew me and my bike into the left lane! Good thing I wasn't cycling near the water (sea) or else I would be freaking cold and sick by now! The cold itself wasn't helping. My ears were so cold that I could not feel the wind blowing them, its was like not having ears at all!! Sigh...every single paddle was a torture. Earlier, I cycled to Sumner mostly in fourth and fifth gear, but during the return trip, even second gear was a pain.

I believe that the winds were very strong there because of the open environment, with minimal buildings and hills to block the winds. Whats more, it is a beach for goodness sake, its supposed to be windy there! Finally, I got a taste of what it is like at Wellington...Haha... The wind and cold were not the only nuisance, the rain did their own share of torture! Man, the rain droplets felt more like hail than water. As we cycled the 'rain droplets' were continuously slapping our faces with such a painful sting that we had to pull over. We rested for a moment behind a bush to block the winds from killing us. There we took some videos to demonstrate how strong the winds were...Haha...The videos were not able to really show it though, but it sure was freaking windy!!

This poor bird could not fight the wind. In the end it just gave up and was gone with the wind.

Two of us stuck behind a bush

Oh well...We still had to go back. So we forced ourselves back on our bikes and slowly brought ourselves home. We took more than 3 hours this time...what a contrast to our earlier trip!!

Actually this bike trip was not so bad compared to the other painful physical experiences I've had, namely Gunung Nuang...I shiver when I hear that name...Brrr...*shivers*. Its a really good exercise though!! I wonder how much weight I've lost in this bike trip...hmm...haha

Finally, back at where we started...

The cold (I suspect...could be something else) did something weird to my hands...I'm not sure whether its frost bite because it does not hurt at all, but surely my finger tips turned really purple!! The colour subsided after a few hours...anyone care to explain? I suspect that its just the colour from my gloves...but then my gloves are leather gloves...weird...

...Mysterious...

Looking forward to going Auckland tomorrow!! Yeah...

CALVIN

Adventurous Heart

2008-06-25T01:31:00.022+12:00

This post reflects one of the most passionate desires of my heart

How much have you changed since you were a kid? If you are my age, a teenager or older, I believe you would have grown much to be more realistic and more matured. Most of us would have grown up, I guess, and provided that our childhood is nothing out of the ordinary, it would merely be a vague memory today.

Well, for me this is not quite the case.

For starters, my childhood IS nothing out of the ordinary. Then, I had (and still have!) a loving family, a roof under my head, education, friends and all the things a kid should have. My childhood I believe went along the same way like others. As we grow up, we see the world with growing eyes. In an intellectual and matured manner, we start to see the world differently. We will begin to think about further education, careers, life partners, family, children, taxes, income, and all the other things one should think of as one grows to be an adult. Rapidly, our childhood diminishes to be a dormant part of our memory bank.

For me however, this is not entirely true. The memories of my childhood still burns fiercely in my mind and in my heart. I would occasionally look back at little Calvin, and find that he has not changed much until now. Do you remember how when you are a kid, you would long to be someone? A hero perhaps, like superman, spiderman or one of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers? I had my share to dreams too, although it might not exactly be a superhero. The thing with me is, these dreams and fantasies of adventure I had during my childhood is still alive and beating right now. In other words, I am still living with a heart of a little kid, a so called adventurous heart.

I long for an adventure. An adventure so great that it will reflect the characters I longed to be as a child, and as who I am right now.

When I was a kid, I watched a cartoon movie called "PageMaster". The kid in the story was who I wanted to be, not superman or spiderman, but a normal kid with an amazing adventure. I could not recall the exact plot of the story, but basically, this kid was cycling when it started to rain heavily. Thus, he hurriedly ran into a building for shelter from the rain. As he looked around the building, there were tonnes and tonnes of books surrounding the place. Little did he know that he barged into a library after hours. He wondered around until he came to a place with a huge compass on the ground, and a beautifully painted ceiling with the characters Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Long John Silver, Captain Ahab and Moby Dick, and a fierce dragon. Suddenly the painting on the ceiling started to melt, and the kid was being chased by huge waves of paint. When the paint got hold of him, the kid turned into a cartoon self, and to cut the story short he met 3 books named Horror, Adventure and Fantasy. He was told by an old man, the PageMaster, that he must go through three tests, horror, adventure and fantasy in order to escape and return to his normal self. The adventures he went through was something that I really wanted to have as a kid. Even today as I reflect, I still have that heart that longs for an adventure like the kid's.

Another time, I watched a Pokemon movie. I know this sounds odd but its true. The movie hit me so badly that I was emotionally disturbed. I really wanted the adventure the characters had in the movie. Going from place to place experiencing great adventures with great action. I looked at my life and things were just too ordinary for me. I want to experience something BIG, something Wild, something adventurous. [This thing of mine is just so difficult to express in words, I hope you get what I'm trying to say...=p] . Also, my favourite children stories have always been from Enid Blyton. I would read her books and go into my own fantasy world. I will just get lost in it, imagining that I am the main character, and imagining myself in the adventures.

I guess what I am trying to get across is that this great longing for adventures is still passionately burning in my heart. I would give anything to have the adventures of that little kid, or to be in those amazing stories of adventure. I do not want to be ordinary, I want an adventure that makes me extraordinary.

Just recently, for the 2nd time, I watched the cartoon movie, "Atlantis - The Lost Empire". Again it happened to me. This great longing to be part of that adventure really hit me hard. I just got so connected with the story that while watching, I was literally in the story itself. I felt what I believe the characters felt, as though I am one of the characters myself. I do not know whether there are some of you out there who have this weird, fierce and passionate longing for adventures, but without a shadow of doubt this burning adventurous heart is still alive and burning within me.

I realised that the time to grow up had already passed years ago, but yet I am still a kid in so many ways. I still long for fantasies and adventures. This is one of my heart's most passionate desires, to have an adventure that makes me extraordinary.

(Man, this post is so abstract and difficult to write...Hope you get a feel of what I'm trying to say!)

CALVIN

25/06/2008 - 10.00 am

I have a feeling that this passion for adventure may not merely be some childhood thing that did not come to pass. There could be a reason behind all of this. A purpose.

Reveal the adventurous plans you have in mind for me, O Lord. Here I am! Use me! Let my life glorify your name!

Awe

2008-06-11T22:40:00.007+12:00

My Lord

how magnificent is your Love toward me

that I find myself lost in wonder

I stand in amazement of your ways, O God

and of your principles

and of your character

Day by day

You never fail to amaze me

Because of your steadfast love and your faithfulness

you fire up my heart

for more of you

for more of who you are

More so, my Lord

Because your promises stand true always

I know in my heart

that you are sufficient for me

Teach me your ways, O Lord

So that I will be in love with you forever

Always and forever

Amen.

CALVIN

"In awe of you, we worship. We set our hearts on you, our God."

Snow + 1st time + Friends = Extreme FUN!

2008-06-07T19:54:00.013+12:00

It was really unexpected.

I was walking back from the library after some studying, and suddenly I felt something hitting my face. I looked at my jacket, and it has white icy stuff sticking on it. I thought, "It couldn't be it...must be just some temporary ice that fell from the sky because it was really cold, it melts on the ground anyway...". How little I know about snow. Because back at my room as I looked out the windows, I saw something I have never seen before. I quickly called up my friends and tell them what was happening, and all of them were not sure themselves. As I was on the phone, all of a sudden some of the Kiwis started shouting and screaming about snow, and it was then that I am sure what was going on.

Christchurch snowed!!

Oh! It was SO much fun! I literally screamed and shouted out of excitement. It was really really awesome! At first my friends did not want to go out, but of course I did not let that happen. I ran to Eric's room and knocked his door profusely forcing him to come out. I hurriedly called Isaac and asked him to come down too. WCS as always needed no one to tell him to enjoy! Angeline on the other hand, was already outside waiting for us!!

It was terribly cold. But yet someone really wanted to be a hero...look at Isaac's outfit!! Slippers, shorts and a T-shirt! Well, after a while most of us couldn't bear the cold so we hurriedly went back to our respective rooms to put on more clothing. I myself ran to get my gloves.

On the way back, 3 kiwi guys from my floor went berserk. =). They wore nothing but their boxers and ran out to the snow. Oh dear...It was so much fun watching them slipping into the snow...hehe, too bad didn't take some pictures...argh!

Hahaa...We then decided to go to Ilam fields...On the way there...

Whist taking pictures...Eric decided to go beserk himself...hehe. As the snow got thicker with time...we started to throw snow balls!! COLD!!

Haha...Too bad he didn't dare to throw because I was holding HIS camera...my camera's battery exhausted too early. (Most of the pictures were taken by him (some from myself also le)). As we continued walking there...the snow storm just got heavier!

When we got there, MAN...everything was SO SO white!

There we met up with Bernard, Ka Mun, Terence, Li Ying and Siew Peng. We all went berserk...throwing snowballs at each other, stuffing it to one another's faces, head, ass...and all of the crazy stuff you can think of...I did something really painful to WCS...hehe...ask him if you want the details la...=). Then we decided to build a snowman, but it did not work out because all of us were still torturing one another with the icy cold snow...(also we did not have a carrot as pointed out by Terence...hahaha)

Snowball fight!!!

The snowballs were really really painful!! Its like having a real stone thrown at you! Haha...whats more, the cold is terrible...I had one snow ball hit right at my left ear, and the ice just went inside my earhole! OOUCCCHHhhhhhh!!!! I quickly had eric blow some hot air to melt the ice out!! HAHA...it was awesome!

After some really tiring fun with the snow we decided to head on to Ilam Gardens.

There is this small wooden bridge across the river so we started to cam whore there!!

Everything was just so white...It was getting dark and misty too...

Even then we bumbed into more Malaysians and we started to throw snowballs at each other again. Some forced the snow into one another's shirts!! Man, that must have hurt so so badly! No pictures for those, it was just too cold to take them!! But here are some of the pictures of the garden taken by Eric to finish off the post!

I hope it snows again soon. Preferably after exams of course!! Man, it was so much fun!

Cheers!!

CALVIN

PS: More snow pics at my facebook!

Only in photographs

2008-06-05T18:00:00.000+12:00

Food...I miss MSIAN FOOD!! ARGH!!!

What to do? Stay in catered halls...The food is deteriorating in quality, small in amount, sometimes unfriendly kitchen staff.

Three times I was asked to put back the extra bread that I took just because I was still hungry. Once I was asked to put back an extra piece of ham. Another time I was confronted because I used the coffee machine to drink coffee outside lunch and dinner hours. Once when was served fried rice, I thought that there was still more coming judging by the small portion of rice she gave, so I waited. She said, "Yes? Go on now...". ==". I tell you, that was the first time that I ate such a small scoop of fried rice...

Food food...what to do? After buying the keyboard I really have to ikat perut liao. Have to endure the hungry nights without supper. No more going countdown buying biscuits and juices and microwave food...no more tuna and bread and jam. No more...

Wait till I rent myself a flat then I have all the power over food!! I'll be the King Chef then...MUAHAHAHaa!!

CALVIN

PS: Forgive my sot-sot-ness. Exams in less than 2 weeks...

Yamaha DGX-220

2008-05-31T00:32:00.002+12:00

Yes! I finally got a keyboard for myself. A very very very very good one!!

It cost me a bomb...

But I am really happy with it.

Will take time to really learn ALL the features of the keyboard!

Now is still time to study for exams! =(

YAY!!

KEYBOARD!! Whoo HOO!!

CALVIN

Connect

2008-05-28T22:19:00.006+12:00

I am honest. With myself, with God, and with you. It is because I have to express myself. I need that, badly.

I am lonely

This journey is such a lonely one

Halt! Stop! Wait now and hear me out, please!

Please do not say what I think you want to say. I know you have always offered your help and your company. And from my heart I thank you. I deeply appreciate it.

But

I have to be honest. I am lonely. I need a friend, who can connect with me. Whom I can feel belonged with. Who really wants to spend time with me, not out of sympathy or duty or even kindness, but out of enjoyment of my company, out of feeling belonged, understood, trusted, and connected.

The chains of the past are strong still. I cannot help but look back, although I know I have made the commitment not to. But God, when?

Please do not say what I think you want to say. As I have said, I have to be honest with myself, God and you. I see your love and your kindness, and I deeply thank you. But still, I am lonely. I speak out of honesty with myself, God and you.

CALVIN